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My name is Diana. I'm known on Instagram here as @klattalyst ! I am a graduate student studying epidemiology and global health in Florence, Italy. Today, I am healthy and managing my depression. But two years ago, it was not quite the same. Before starting this degree, I was in medical school due to family pressure and obligations – I never really wanted to work in medicine. Over time, I stopped all my hobbies, became closed off, stopped eating, and lost a lot of weight. My depression began affecting my behavior in class and my interactions with my instructors. I developed extreme anxiety and low self-esteem. I finally decided to go to a therapist, who diagnosed me with depression. Therapy helped get my life back on track. We created a daily schedule that got me out of the house each day. I signed up to run a marathon, giving me routine and physical activity (and a new, healthy addiction). We worked through the fact that I was living a life I didn’t want… I ended up leaving the school and switched back to a research based field! I was terrified to tell my family, but everyone has been so supportive in my decisions. They all had seen what I had not, and they know how much happier I am now. I think many people don’t realize how supportive the people around them can be! People genuinely want you to be happy and succeed. Creating a community of people who recognize this and will help you push through the tough times. That is the best thing you can do for yourself. 1st picture: My first week living in Florence 2nd picture: My desktop image since leaving medical school two years ago 📷 I wrote about this on my blog in hopes to help normalize mental health issues: https://klattalyst.com/flirtingwithdepression/ ❤️ Thank you for reading! Comment and like to support, DM to contribute! ❤️ Originally posted on Apr 2, 2018

Did you know that there is a field of therapy DEDICATED to talking through painful emotions? It's called Dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT. We've included some resources at the bottom! This page is a platform for the sometimes-hidden community of current, training, and aspiring PhDs who have struggled with mental health issues Here, you can share your story and know you are safe. You can connect with others, read their stories, and support them by witnessing. We are stronger together. Let's talk about it❤️ So why are you following? Why do you talk about mental health awareness ? Comment and tag to support the page!! Visibility matters ❤️ Scientific description of DBT: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2963469/ Treatment resources: https://behavioraltech.org/resources/ Originally posted on Mar 31, 2018

“Just take each day as it comes” @DogScienceWeekly Brianna Artz is an endlessly curious PhD student in Cognitive and Behavioral Neuroscience at George Mason University.🐾 I was a severely depressed shell of a teenager by sophomore year due to reduced serotonergic functioning and life stressors. I lost my hair, slept 18+ hrs/day, and missed so much school my peers thought I’d moved. I fell off the face of the earth. I was nothing and each day was my last. I owe my life to overcoming stigma & a tiny white pill: Lexapro. My depression remitted and I was okay without meds, for a while. 💊 Three years ago, with no evident stressor, my body betrayed me. I lost ~40 pounds and developed heart palpitations; I lived in fear of dying. This picture was taken right after restarting treatment, ending this major depressive episode, and finding my passion for canine cognition research.🐕 Dogs have therapeutic benefits to the humans who love them. As silly as this sounds, I am inspired by my dogs’ excitement for new experiences & new smells – I strive towards that zeal for life! Mental health can be a lifelong, debilitating struggle. I work every day to understand my mental health to avoid relapsing. I tell myself “You’re fine, you are exactly where you’re supposed to be.” My first suicidal thought was at age 10 - I still take medication and sometimes seek psychotherapy, even in remission. I struggle with intrusive thoughts: that my work is unimportant and I am not smart enough to impact my field now or in the future. Instead of internalizing, I take a mindful approach to life and reachout for social support If your studies are more stress than stress-relief, that’s okay. I’m a PhD student who struggles with mental health and that’s OKAY. It’s okay to need medication to support your brain’s synaptic transmission. Find what works for you, whether medication or meditation. Enrollment in an advanced academic program doesn’t mean we don’t struggle - it’s okay we do. Be gentle with yourself. Let yourself make mistakes. Learn from them and grow!❤️ Check out Brianna’s awesome website for doggy science: www.dogscienceweekly.org Originally posted on Mar 30, 2018

Quote from @dogscienceweekly 's AMAZING story - Be gentle with yourself. Make mistakes. Learn from them and Grow. Thank you everyone who liked and commented on yesterday's story. It was hard to write and harder to share! But you are all awesome, and you made me feel supported instead of alienated. Originally posted on Mar 30, 2018

Hey! I’m Susanna, a 4th-year PhD candidate in Microbiology at UNC-Chapel Hill & thriving depressive. This is about visibility and vulnerability Please be kind. ❤ Shy as a child, I suffered panic attacks in middle school. Counseling taught me to control my anxiety, function in crowds, and attend a science summer camp! Done! Enter high school; I felt sad in happy situations, I separated from friends, I rebelled and quit activities. At UIowa, it became clear I wasn’t an angsty teen, but showing signs of depression. Still, I wanted to be a scientist. I started grad school at @uncchapelhill in 2014. Two years into my program, I failed a qualifying exam (shame!). My relationship ended (embarrassment!), and I was disillusioned with academia but had no career goals (hopeless!). I felt like I SHOULD just get over it - I had so much to be thankful for! Depressive episodes and self-loathing sidelined me for days on end, increasing my guilt. My therapist, found in 2015, “just in case”, became an essential support. There was no magic moment. I started medication, ramped up therapy, and looked for fulfillment in scicomm, reading, cooking, & exercise. I volunteered at ocrcc and @moreheadplanetarium @ncsciencefestival. When I couldn’t be happy, atleast I was useful. “Another sunrise, another new beginning”, is my mantra and is partially tattooed on my wrist. Every hour with friends, family and my dogs is inspiration worth fighting for. “But you seem fine. Are you sure it’s really depression?”. These ideas - that you can see depression, there is a typical depressed person, are misleading! Mental health issues are either crippling or non-existent!! Being adept at managing pain doesn’t make it hurt less. I see you, you are valid, you are tough, you are amazing. Ask for help. Keep fighting <3 Know anyone who’d want to see this or contribute? Tag them! DM to be featured! Thanks to @phd_to_success for support from the start, @musclebeach191 for validation, @science.sam for inspiration via vulnerability and to everyone who reached out w/love & support! Originally posted on Mar 29th 2018

@susannalharris will bravely kick us off with her own story of #depression! DM to share your experience with #mentalhealth on this #community #platform for #PhDs, # Post-docs and aspiring PhDs! Follow, tag others, and spread the word to end the stigma against #mentalhealthissues Thanks to @phd_to_success for being the first to help spread the profile to her followers! #visibilitymatters #womensupportingwomen Originally posted on Mar 29th 2018

Content Warning: mentions of suicide. When I found out that I had gotten accepted into the BBSP program at UNC I felt like I was on top of the world. I felt that I would be the first Doctor of my family and church family. At the time, leading up to the beginning of my program, I was having issues with my boyfriend because we didn’t know how to navigate a long distance relationship, so he ended up breaking it off with me. The first love of my life had just walked out like it was nothing, and that hurt my ego. A week after we broke up my grandmother died unexpectedly. At that moment I felt numb and I started wondering how I was going to make it through a difficult process like Grad school when my two biggest support systems left. Instead of reaching out to others I tried to handle everything myself. Every day felt like a losing battle. I’m not sure how I got there, but I was deeply depressed. As the stress of Grad school continued to pile on, I felt like “what was the point”? Everything that I was working on was failing, and people were leaving or dying out of my life. I started to entertain the idea of suicide more and more. I was an unhappy grad student that was crying every night and dreaming of death, which I equated to peace at the time. People started to notice that something wasn’t right, and that’s when I finally reached out for help. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, at this moment, because I decided to live the life I wanted and to stop living it for others. ❤️If you or a loved one are dealing with thoughts of suicide, PLEASE reach out for support. You can also connect with support through the Crisis text line: US and Canada: text 741741, UK: text 85258, Ireland: text 086 1800 280

Hi! My Name is Nour Al-muhtasib. I am currently a postdoc at Yale. My PhD story has been an interesting one. I defended my thesis in the Spring of 2013 and started my postdoc that summer. The next year was filled with verbal and emotional abuse from my mentor until one day I went to do the Dean and said he needed to take me out and protect me. He did just that. I sought help from several professors during this time and found a new postdoc with a wonderful mentor. I am still battling a lot of imposter syndrome because as I was getting perfecting the new surgical technique I learned, COVID-19 happened and the labs shut down. I am just returning to the lab and there is that fear that the experience in my last lab was my fault. This has been a long and difficult journey, but I have learned a lot. I have been pushed to my limits and my response has been to stand up for myself and it has been liberating. Each time I do stand up, it gets easier. Standing up for yourself is not just telling someone to treat you better. It can be asking for time off or more time from your PI. Make sure to tune into Nour's Grad Chat with us on Saturday, June 27th - 3pm EDT on YouTube live. Missed the live? No worries! The videos will stay up so you can always go back and watch! Learn more about Nour on Instagram and Twitter! You can also now listen to all our Grad Chat episodes as a podcast, which is hosted on Anchor FM and available on all major streaming services!

~Hi Everyone! We want to back-log all of our eariler posts (way back from when we didn't even have a website, and we were called PhDepression). We hope you enjoy the throwbacks! PERSONAL PROFILES - starting tomorrow (!!!) I'll be posting interviews of ph.d.s, phds-in-training, and future-phds who have struggled with #depression or other #mentalhealthissues Please DM me to help start the conversation!! [Now, use this form to add your story!] #visibilitymatters @susannalharris Originally Posted on March 18, 2018

For as long I remember, I knew I felt sadness and worry differently than most. But I also knew I was extroverted, passionate, headstrong, and diligent, so the effort I put into college and eventually my PhD helped balance the depression and anxiety I'd come to live with. When I felt failure, lost touch with a friend, had (another) conflict with my mother, or allowed another relationship to fall apart, I would throw myself into research, find purpose and meaning in service, and seek support in my graduate cohort. By my defense, I had a 10-page CV oozing with diverse experience, solid friendships and even a partnership within my program, and a postdoc in a beautiful city renowned for my work in psychological distress after traumatic injury. Despite how chaotic I felt in my head, the life stats in front of me had me feeling more competent than ever. Going from the protective bubble of graduate school to the unstructured and solitary experience of a postdoc shattered that competency. Though beautiful, I moved to a place where I knew no one, and the struggle of leaving my closest relationships back in Texas hit hard. My psychology training made me uniquely qualified for my position, but I was a lone wolf in the medical program I'd fallen into. My mentor went on sabbatical, and there was no lab to which I belonged - only data to analyze, in a building of offices left unoccupied by researchers with clinical duties. For weeks, I would go to work, crunch data, and return home having spoken to no one, living in a rented room of a retired family friend. The loneliness overwhelmed me. The lack of structure left me feeling directionless; with no colleagues or friends, my stagnated productivity left me feeling behind and incompetent. I became frustrated with no consistent guidance. I felt jealous of my partner’s continued productivity and support back home, and resentful at his inability to alleviate my loneliness. The mental chaos I’d normalized in graduate school grew with imposter syndrome. And then, within six months of my postdoc, my mother died while we were on non-speaking terms. The year that followed was traumatic. Our conflicts were always behind smiling faces, so my complicated grief was kept hidden. I took on the duties of her scattered estate, with no knowledge of finances. I tried and failed to continue with work as a means to cope - I only wrote incoherent drafts, missed important meetings, and botched complex analyses. I threw myself into friendships that offered short-term validation and distraction, letting conflicts with my concerned partner, friends, and relatives fall away. Academic job interviews would be excited by my CV but give me feedback later that it did not sound like my heart was really in it. As I neared the end of my postdoc, I had become an entirely different person than the one who had started. I was emotionally exhausted, bitter, withdrawn, insecure, and intensely ashamed of myself. Remote working from home turned into not working at all. I would routinely wake up, stare at the ceiling, and run through the constant list of people and responsibilities I’d failed to live up to. Many times, I thought how effortful it would be to keep trying, and debated whether it was worthwhile to do so. Making the call to a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) clinic probably saved my life. For a long while I knew that DBT could help, but too afraid of the stigma of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) to actually go through with it. I’d observed my mother long enough, had heard the word ‘toxic’ enough in therapy and in my training, and had assured myself of my own awareness. The piling layers of stressful events helped make my reaction feel normal and temporary, not that they instead magnified a part of me I was neglecting. It took the cold chill of that word used to describe my presence to understand I needed help. For a year I worked to manage the intensity of shame, its avoidance of which had amplified my depression, anxiety, and loneliness. I’d confronted the fear of being someone “broken” and instead, opened myself to the possibility of becoming better. When I did, I could finally face the long and lonely road to loving myself without anyone else’s help: I worked to develop a sense of values and activities that helped define my worth and develop a sense of pride, intentionally kept apart from my CV. I accepted ended-relationships and established boundaries with remaining ones. And I even took a masters-level position to pursue work in this city that felt meaningful. I’m happy to say that it led to a PhD-level career position, where I hope to stay for the long haul. Though my therapist never offered any diagnoses, I feel confident that I championed the most trying postdoc one could imagine! I share this story in the hopes it impacts multiple people. For trainees or postdocs struggling to feel worthwhile, competent, or supported: you are not alone, and there is no right way to get through fellowships. Listen to yourself and take the break when you need to. For psychologists and other PhD professionals who feel the double-standard of professionally reducing stigma while wrestling with the exposure of your own vulnerabilities: you are brave every day for the effort you make to balance both. And to those who wish they didn’t have to be a certain way, who have hurt others or themselves and are struggling to accept who they are or what they’ve done: you are loved, you are worth loving, and take all the time and space you need to love yourself. It is worth the effort.

This pandemic has really been messing with my mental health. I had been a perfectionist for as long as I could remember, and the “never enough” culture of academia fueled my desire to be flawless. But after a lacklustre comprehensive exam performance, I fell off my pedestal and began experiencing a great deal of stress and anxiety over the need to control everything so that I didn’t have another less-than-stellar performance. To cope with these uncomfortable emotions and perfect yet one more aspect of my life, I controlled my food and exercise to the point of developing an eating disorder. Now one year recovered from my ED (thank you to my therapist, dietician and patient husband), I’m in such a better place. I no longer need to be perfect – good enough is more than perfect for me. But I would be lying if I said I was rid of my underlying mental health problems, and this pandemic is making that even more evident. The lack of control I’ve been experiencing since February is terribly triggering. Having to leave the lab, defend virtually and not be able to attend graduation was devastating. I constantly panic over not knowing when this will be over, or when we can get back to “normal like” – whatever that will look like. With my husband, also a Ph.D. student, at the lab doing essential research, I’ve been stuck at home, by myself, with my uncomfortable thoughts. I’ve been craving companionship, something to care for, and something to support my mental health, both during this trying time and for years to come - but my seven plants just weren’t cutting it. So on May 9, I convinced my husband to adopt a fur baby. Harper, our 10-month-old bundle of joy, was found in a Walmart parking lot in April 2020. As soon as I saw her picture on the Southern Arizona Cat Rescue site, I knew she was meant to be loved by us. She’s been by my side ever since we brought her home – sitting on the chair next to mine while I eat, curling up on the couch beside me when I watch TV, nestling under my arm in bed every night and laying on my laptop while I work. Though she’s only been with us for four days, Harper has given me unconditional love and allowed me to live in the moment, as opposed to in my head with my fears and worries. She’s shown me that it’s ok to take a break (or two or ten) from work, and that we all need to relax a little more right now. So whether you have a little human, plant or pet in your life, I hope they support your mental health and bring you as much joy and love as little Harper brings to me – especially now when we need it the most. Thank you to Brittany for today’s PhD Pet Post! You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram at @BrittanyUhlorn

My intentions were there. My heart was set! I loved science (still do) and felt passionately about understanding the chemical principles that govern biological processes. I was going to pursue a PhD! However, the question remained… Would I be capable of performing research in a laboratory? Working in a laboratory involves conducting experiments that require a high level of dexterity which are difficult to complete without fingers. I struggled… For months I could not get my experiments to work, let alone give solid data. The prospect of being the first in a family of Colombian immigrants to obtain a PhD appeared to dwindle. However, the key word here is “appeared”. During these times there were no other graduate students or faculty members that I felt could understand how I was feeling… ALONE. Nevertheless, empowered by my past successes, I never gave up and stayed true to my vision. I remembered the challenges I faced as a child that I had overcome. Learning how to write with a pencil, learning how to shoot a basketball, learning how to ride a bike… At one point all these challenges “appeared” hopeless and have one commonality. I PERSEVERED. I did what I do best… ADAPT! I ultimately overcame the technical challenges associated with research and my work flourished. Shortly afterwards, I was awarded a prestigious fellowship from the National Institutes of Health… and in less than 4 weeks I will be defending my thesis and completing my PhD in chemistry from Brown University. 👨‍🔬 During difficult times it’s challenging to think of nothing but the present. However, remembering our struggles and successes gives us the strength to continue moving forward. 🦾 YOU ARE LIMITLESS! Thank you to today's contributor - @davidgarcialimitless (on IG, FB, YT, TT)