Help in a Losing Battle

Content Warning: mentions of suicide.

When I found out that I had gotten accepted into the BBSP program at UNC I felt like I was on top of the world. I felt that I would be the first Doctor of my family and church family.


At the time, leading up to the beginning of my program, I was having issues with my boyfriend because we didn’t know how to navigate a long distance relationship, so he ended up breaking it off with me. The first love of my life had just walked out like it was nothing, and that hurt my ego. A week after we broke up my grandmother died unexpectedly. At that moment I felt numb and I started wondering how I was going to make it through a difficult process like Grad school when my two biggest support systems left.

Instead of reaching out to others I tried to handle everything myself.

Every day felt like a losing battle. I’m not sure how I got there, but I was deeply depressed. As the stress of Grad school continued to pile on, I felt like “what was the point”?


Everything that I was working on was failing, and people were leaving or dying out of my life. I started to entertain the idea of suicide more and more. I was an unhappy grad student that was crying every night and dreaming of death, which I equated to peace at the time.


People started to notice that something wasn’t right, and that’s when I finally reached out for help. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, at this moment, because I decided to live the life I wanted and to stop living it for others.


❤️If you or a loved one are dealing with thoughts of suicide, PLEASE reach out for support. You can also connect with support through the Crisis text line: US and Canada: text 741741, UK: text 85258, Ireland: text 086 1800 280

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