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Support In, Pain Out How can we show support in times of crisis? Especially if we are all facing different levels of crisis? Clinical pyschologist Susan Salk proposed something that is now known as the "Ring Theory" of support - comfort/support in, pain/dump out. Basically, most affected by a particular crisis should gain support from each other and everyone further away from the crisis. Conversely, those further away from the crisis should NOT rely on support from those more closely associated. An example: Let's look at how this could be seen during a funeral The spouse and immediate family are typically at the center of the circle. They should be able to reach out to anyone else at the funeral to get support, talk about their feelings, and express grief. Close friends or extended family should rely on everyone EXCEPT the spouse and the family Friends and colleagues of the deceased can rely on each other or others in attendance, but NOT the closer friends or any family members Everyone else in attendance should be giving support, listening, and helping everyone else. They can rely on each other for condolences, but should not be reaching in. Of course, these dynamics differ based on the person who has died. But hopefully you get it - those closest should get the most support, those furthest should support them and each other. Nobody should be reaching IN to the circle to gain help. Everyone who attends a funeral is in mourning. BUT they are dealing with different levels of pain. The immediate family does not need to hear the trials and tribulations of a prior coworker. The spouse should not have to console a long-lost relative. These practices help in whatever the crisis may be. We all need support, but we have to be careful who we are leaning on for that support. Whether we are asking them to listen, to help, or to share in our pain, we need to be mindful of how are actions may be useful or harmful.

My first semester, I took a picture wearing a graduation robe (but not the tam because I’m slightly superstitious). The robe, with its puffy sleeves and three velvety stripes along each arm, became my source of inspiration. By “joining the three stripes crew” (graduating), I would accomplish something extraordinary for my family. Not only would I make them proud, but I would finally be called “doctor,” knowing that I had set myself up for a lifetime of professional success. But on this day, none of that mattered. “I just don’t give a fuck right now,” I said as my gaze met Professor Brown’s* concerned look. That was the first time during our thirty-minute-long meeting that I had actually looked up. In the silence that followed, I sat there numb and unable to see any future besides the soul-crushing darkness that had consumed me. I was almost two years into my program and had maintained a fairly solid image that everything was okay. But if you looked into my eyes, which always told the truth, you’d see the depth of my inner turmoil. Yes, I was regularly in therapy during this time; however, I was just scratching the surface of what has been a two-year-long healing journey. I started therapy after getting out of a toxic relationship where I completely lost my sense of self, eroded my self-worth, and questioned whether I’d ever be happy again. I went into my therapy sessions with a focus on learning to pick better partners. And yet, the true core of my problems was a belief that I wasn’t deserving of happiness. This belief manifested itself in a pattern of self-sabotage, playing small, and upholding unhealthy boundaries. It wasn’t just my intimate relationships that suffered because of this, but also my relationship with my doctoral program. There were moments when I didn’t know how I was getting out of bed, let alone finishing a full-time program. I had to do a lot of personal work to get to where I am today—a PhD candidate set to graduate in May 2021. I’d lead you astray if I said the process was an easy one. There is absolutely nothing easy about healing past trauma, unlearning self-defeating habits, and figuring out why you started such a difficult journey in the first place. During this time, one mentor said to me, “Think of all the students you’ll help by graduating, isn’t that enough?” No, it wasn’t. I was already helping students and didn’t need three letters after my name to continue to do so. What I needed, and eventually found, was a way to amplify my own voice. I needed to learn to trust my inner mentor and listen to what my needs, wants, and desires truly were. Through therapy, self-care, and a lot of reflection, I was able to get to the imperfect place I am today—a place still filled with self-doubt, but also filled with healthy ways to reframe worries and see a more realistic picture. For those who may be going through similar struggles, I offer you some words of wisdom: Seek therapy. Even if it’s for something “minor,” I highly recommend everyone seek some sort of professional counseling. I use the on-campus counseling centre and have had great experiences. I will admit it’s awkward to run into students and fellow graduate students, but there’s a mutual understanding of confidentiality. Be kind to yourself. Whenever I’m in a dark place, I somehow convince myself that 1) I’ve never gotten through hard situations, 2) I’m unable to get through this one, and 3) no one is here to help me. In these times, it’s important to be kind to yourself and remember that you have all the skills and support to help you through this dark time. Ask for help. Adding to #2, seek support from those around you, especially campus resources. I sought support through our Dean of Students Office and they worked with my therapist to get documentation for academic accommodations. As the woman who loves school, never did I think I would have accommodations. They have helped reduce the stress that comes from falling behind. Reward yourself. It’s okay if “helping students” isn’t enough to motivate you to complete a paper or class. One semester I tied finishing my coursework to buying a messenger bag I had my eye on. I literally posted a picture of that bag everywhere and it helped me do even the smallest amount of work. I know one person who bought a puppy after they finished their program. No matter how big or small, remember to reward your progress. Do what you can. No matter how small the step, progress is progress. Even if all you can do towards your goal is look up one citation, know that these small steps add up to big accomplishments. And finally, trust the process. Your doctoral journey is your own. When you’re done, you will have a unique story that you can use to help others. Remember, no one is you, and that is your gift to the world. I look forward to seeing us both join the three stripes crew! With love, -Asia *Pseudonym Asia R. Randolph is a fourth-year PhD candidate in William & Mary’s Higher Education Administration program. You can connect with her on her Instagram page “The Black Graduate” (@blackgraduate) where she offers inspiration for the doctoral journey and a glimpse into her world filled with motivational quotes, plants, and the occasional awkward selfie.

A Practical Guide to Exercising Your Rights Under the ADA Please see the disclaimer below, which essentially says that I am not a doctor, nor an HR legal expert. This is a “practical” guide based on how I have seen the ADA work in practice, along with some tips on how to leverage these regulations for yourself. The prospects of finding a job and then fitting in at that new job can be overwhelming for most of us. I am 52 years old and I still get nervous every time I enter a new workplace, worrying about everything from doing my job well to simply wanting to be liked. I thought this nervousness would fade away as I got older, but I just find new things to worry about like being perceived as the old guy wearing dad-jeans and telling corny jokes. For those of us with a mental health disorder, those uncomfortable feelings often get amplified. Then, we tend to complicate things further with worries about our disability and how people will act if and when they find out. Some of us would even prefer to hide or mask our disability so that we get treated “normally” like everyone else, whatever that means. The most normal part about this is that most people experience these feelings. My goal here is to help you understand a little about how companies think about employees with mental health disorders and disabilities. In particular, the focus here is on your rights under the Americans with Disabilities Act (“ADA” or “the Act”). For someone with any kind of disability, the ADA is an incredibly important piece of legislation; however, if you don’t know how to affirmatively exercise your rights, it’s kind of useless. So this is a brief explanation of how to exercise your rights in a way that should make your work life better and more enjoyable. I have clinical depression that tends to present as anxiety in the workplace. Under extreme distress, I have experienced panic attacks and have become irrational. Back when this happened regularly, I didn’t understand that I was dealing with an untreated illness and I certainly didn’t think about telling my boss that I needed an ADA accommodation. In fact, I didn’t fully learn about the ADA until I started holding roles as an employer. That brings us to the first important point: Companies as employers tend to focus their efforts on limiting their liability under the Act and employers do not have an affirmative obligation to make sure you fully understand your rights. That means that they understand this way better than you, so let’s shift some of that power back to you, ok? The ADA was passed in 1990 as an "equal opportunity" law for people with disabilities. The ADA.gov web site has tons of materials, but rather than break down the specifics of the legislation, let’s start with an example. The first time I faced a question of employer liability, my CEO asked me to handle firing an employee who may have had a mental health disorder. It wasn’t clear what the exact disability was and it was never discussed openly but it seemed obvious enough for a few people to raise the question. When I asked the company’s attorney if we faced liability for releasing this employee in light of what we could see as an apparent mental condition, he asked me two questions that I now realize every attorney asks in this situation: " 1. Did they tell you they have a specific disability? and, 2. Did they ask for a reasonable accommodation to be able to perform their job with that disability? If not, then you have nothing to worry about. " Think about what the attorney was saying with his questions. UNLESS YOU PROACTIVELY TELL YOUR EMPLOYER THAT YOU HAVE A DISABILITY AND THAT YOU NEED AN ACCOMMODATION, THEY DO NOT NEED TO DO ANYTHING. So make sure you use the word “disability” and the word “accommodation” so that they know you are exercising your ADA rights. Corporate HR and legal systems have certain words they watch for and think of these as the “launch” words for your rights, and for the ADA you need to mention both a disability and the need for accommodation. With a mental health disability, this affirmative requirement actually makes sense because mental health disabilities are not as obvious as physical disabilities. Employers can’t be expected to guess at the mental health of their employees, and they can’t ask directly if the person has a disability so the burden has to be on us as employees. There are several exemptions written into the act, meaning certain types of organizations (such as churches) are exempt but the one I have seen applied most often is for small businesses of under 15 employees. So, if you are thinking about joining a small business like an early-stage startup, just know that none of this applies because small companies are not required to comply with the Act. I’ll wrap up here with a few other practical considerations: - You don’t need to give notice before being hired so I don’t recommend raising this topic until after you have started - It can be awkward discussing this with your boss, especially when you are new so it is usually best to start with HR in a private conversation - Most employee handbooks will outline a procedure for notifying the company - Many managers know very little about this, so even if you start with your boss, don’t be surprised if they seem clueless. When this happens, I recommend getting HR involved. - As a general rule, the larger the company, the better they will be at handling these conversations - Progressive companies may be more proactive in educating about rights and more flexible with accommodations - Email is generally better than verbal when asking for an accommodation and again, use the “launch” words of disability and accommodation. If you discuss this in person with your manager or HR representative, follow it up with an email confirmation. - During your initial conversation with your boss or HR, you may not know what kind of accommodations to request, and this is OK. It is more important to start the conversation and HR departments are generally well trained at helping after you start the dialogue. Lastly, a point on being practical. Don’t think of the ADA as something you are likely to litigate after you leave because in reality litigation is not something you will want to experience, and it will need to be a pretty extreme case to be worth your time. Just think of this as a set of protections that can help make sure that mental health disorders are treated in the same way that other, more obvious illnesses and disabilities are. If you find yourself struggling with your job because of your mental health, then start the conversation of figuring out a reasonable change in working conditions. This can be working at home certain days or limiting certain types of work, or maybe even a change in roles, but just know that you have options. About the author and disclaimers: Each situation involving mental health in the workplace is truly unique, so please understand that this article contains only introductory principles on how to navigate the ADA to your benefit.  This article does not contain legal advice and if you have specific legal questions about how the ADA applies to your rights either contact your HR department or discuss this with your own lawyer and, doctor or therapist (therapists are really helpful in coaching for these conversations).  You can also reach the author with questions or feedback at gt@5gravities.com. Gary Traynor (he, him, his) graduated from UNC-Chapel Hill with a JD/MBA in 1997, worked in investment banking for 6+ years in NYC, and spent the rest of his career in CEO, COO or CFO roles with early-stage software startups in the Northeast. More recently, Gary has begun teaching entrepreneurship with a focus on balancing diverse psychological profiles when companies are scaling for rapid growth.  His framework for balancing the most complicated aspects of health, work, and relationships is referred to as "5 Gravities."

Content warning: mention of suicide You should have been in this photo too… It has been a year since you left us, but the wound is still fresh and aching. You always cared about me, even in my lowest points, And I still blame myself for not being there for you, for not doing more, for not doing things differently. I wish I had more time to help you, but I don’t. I wanted to make a change for you, but why was it so difficult? There were always excuses, but I was mostly afraid to open myself, to be vulnerable. You tried to help me, and you were broken too, so why was it so difficult? I am trying, but sometimes trying is not enough. I want to change, be part of the help you needed and wasn’t there. This is my first step; I’m doing it for you. In loving memory of Greg. Hannah, Greg, and I started grad school in the same year, joined the same research lab, and were really close. We were the first graduate students in this assistant professor’s lab. On December 2018, Greg told us he was going to leave the Ph.D. program with a Masters. On MLK day of 2019, we learnt Greg committed suicide. 💗If you or someone you know is dealing with thoughts of suicide, PLEASE reach out for professional support. Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis counseling. Jose Veleta is a Ph.D. student in chemistry and has been dealing with depression and social anxiety for over 7 years. Follow along on Instagram and Twitter at @jmveleta

This is Bones. Bones and I have been best friends for 14 years. He's watched me grow up, make mistakes, and turn my life around. One of the things I love about him is his ability to sense when I'm not okay (physically & mentally) and he just lays down next to me and provides me comfort and love. No judgement, no expectations (well, except belly rubs 😂) As he's seen me through many downs, starting my PhD in 2018 brought on a whole new batch of struggles. But again, Bones has continued to be here for me. Happiness to me is hearing him walk in my room as I'm working just to see if I've dropped any food on the floor and a head rubs 💗 Little does he know that having him around continues to provide me comfort and fill my heart full of love. Bones' favorite things in life are chasing rabbits, taking naps on different couches, snacks, toys (especially a literal piece of plastic), sunbathing, being sassy, and his classic side-eye. THANK YOU to this week's PhD Pet's human: @misss.ej on Instagram @SantosEJ_ on Twitter. Do you have a furry/scaley/feathery friend helping you get through your PhD who deserves a shoutout? Submit your pet here!

For me, the answer was straightforward: I genuinely enjoyed the process of making discoveries and the luxury of working whenever and wherever I liked. However, what may sound like a straight road to success was paved with many setbacks – so much so that it made me question whether I am right for this. And I am not alone with these feelings – many findings speak of a mental health crisis in academia. I had always been a really good student. I received good grades and the appreciation from my teachers throughout my school years and undergraduate studies. Consequently, academia seemed like the best career choice for me and I joined a PhD position with loads of excitement and enthusiasm. And this is where it all started. In a matter of weeks, I was doubting myself. I struggled with understanding even the most basic concepts, while everyone around me seemed to be excelling in their research. All these years of doing great in academics and now I was failing right along the line. This did not only have a tremendous negative impact on my motivation and excitement for doing science, but also made me question whether I was after all smart enough to be doing research. What started with a feeling of confusion, quickly led to low self-esteem – paired with the pressure in academia to constantly prove oneself, I soon began to suffer from mental health issues, every day falling deeper into what I perceived to be a dark pit. Here comes the tricky bit: objectively, I had no reason to feel like this. I was part of a great lab with amazing colleagues and a very supportive supervisor and this made me feel guilty for feeling depressed. It took me a while to figure out what was going on. But while I was struggling, I ultimately made the decision to quit. The constant struggle with my inner self was impeding me from making any progress in my research and the goal of completing my PhD seemed just so impossible to achieve. But this is where it all changed. Before I could tell my supervisor that I was throwing in the towel, he approached me to talk about the struggle I was battling. I learnt how common this was in academia and, when we involved my colleagues in this discussion, I was surprised to hear how seemingly happy people around me were fighting the same demon on a daily basis. From then on, I became more open about my feelings. We started defining shorter goals in the lab and finishing them one by one made me more and more confident. Before I could realize, I hadn’t quit my PhD, but submitted my dissertation. After PhD and two years of postdoc, I am now working for a financial institution. While many look at this transition as quitting academia, for me this time it did not feel as “quitting” or “leaving” anything. For me this career path seems more like continuation of my development journey which started during PhD. Apart from the skills I learnt, the most important thing I credit my PhD journey is the confidence it gave me. I came out of it as a much stronger and positive person. Even if PhD was not necessary for my current career, I cannot see myself where I am today without having had that experience. While I had a very positive PhD experience in the end, I understand not everyone gets that support and there are a lot of things needed to improve grad students experience. One thing which was the turning point for me was being open about my feelings. I believe as scientists we must be open about our feelings of self-doubt and our struggles in our research. It is so easy to get lost in the universe of details over details of a concept or research design. Talking to colleagues and supervisors helps to stay focused and moreover, knowing that you are not alone in having these feelings can take off the burden over you. It is ok not to know everything and this will not make you less of an expert. And it is ok to still struggle from time to time. Science is not a smooth sail, it is a quest for knowledge and there are a lot of kind people around you; talk to your colleagues, your mentors. But most importantly, know that you are not alone in this. Thank you to Sabiha Majumder (@SanihaMajumder on Twitter) for sharing her story! Follow more of her life via this blog!

I recently wrote about an experience I went through. This is without a doubt a life-altering experience, during which I tried to make sense of what was going on, not knowing for a long time that it was in fact depression, likely triggered by several recent life events. Due to various reasons, I wasn’t able to properly deal with it for a few months. Now that I am in a better place, I can reflect back on it with a more objective view. My realization that this is depression was facilitated by analyzing my thoughts and behaviors. I oscillated between not being able to get out of bed, not doing enough, and doing too much, which then made me anxious, and that exhausted me. For a while, I tried to brush it off, thinking that I’m strong and I can beat it alone without any help. I didn’t realize how bad of an idea that was until I exploded one day because I had bottled it all up for too long. I also didn’t know how heightened my emotions could be due to a high level of stress. It all began with feeling a lot of shame and guilt, as well as very low self-esteem. I felt lonely and unworthy of love. I was overwhelmed. I became irritable and reactive to things, which then made me embarrassed for my behavior. I would then flip into overthinking and ruminating on things, and apologizing too much, which made it worse. Everything became really hard to do, even simple tasks. On the opposite side, though, I would keep pushing too much once I felt good enough to do those things. So in a large sense, I was living in extremes. I knew this was ridiculous and I couldn’t figure out how to escape it. That made me feel even more self-conscious and ashamed. My feelings of depression were mostly manifested by a lack of motivation and low mood, and some migraines. It then switched to very high levels of anxiety, and not being able to sleep at night. In some ways that was even worse to deal with, because it made me impulsive and even more reactive, resulting in some decisions that I later regretted. Due to my anxiety, I became more convinced that nobody loved me, and started thinking that something terrible would happen pretty much all the time. I interpreted behaviors from others as negative, and just waited for the worst-case scenario to occur. The lack of human connection and feeling unworthy of love then made me feel really lonely. I turned more to social media to try and fill that void by creating some type of connection to the outside world. But I quickly realized that it was becoming detrimental for me to be on social media and to compare what I was going through to everyone’s seemingly perfect life. That only increased my depression and anxiety. I’m learning how to use it more sparingly now, and in ways that might help maintain a connection with those far away, without relying solely on this method to stay connected with people. To use it more as an addition to my life, rather than a replacement for it. In order to try and deal with my feelings of anxiety, I started meditating, which helped only temporarily, in addition to therapy sessions where I first discovered what might be going on. After several months, I was given some medication for depression, whose positive effect I could feel pretty soon afterwards. This made it obvious that I needed to change something internally and not just externally, although these factors are all helping in combination. It took me a while to use therapy and medication. And while I had an easier time accepting that I needed therapy, it took me a while to realize how to utilize these sessions effectively in order to get to the root of the problem and begin working on it. But the day I was sent home with the medication made everything much more real that this was something serious which had to be addressed. I was reluctant to take the medication, but I knew that it was necessary so that I could get some of my life back. Now that I feel more like myself again, I still struggle, but I’m able to look back and reflect on what I learned. As a scientist analyzing this situation, I knew that something was definitely wrong and that I needed to gain some control over it, instead of letting it control me. Once it was labeled as depression by a doctor, I started looking into it more. I learned from a bunch of youtube videos, as well as from a podcast, that “depression lies,” and tells you that you are worthless. Many of the things I was feeling, and the resulting behaviors, were making a lot more sense now. At the same time, I wonder about several things which made this harder to deal with. Could I have tried harder to control it? Could I have looked for resources sooner? Could I have changed my behavior alone without help? Should I have sought help sooner? What kind of help would have been best? I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I’m trying to be proactive about my healing now. Realistically, I don’t know how much of this was in my control during the time when I didn’t have any help. However, now, part of me wonders if I was using this as an excuse to not be a nice person. If depression taught me anything, it is that I can and want to do better than I have in the past, and to never be in that place again. I want to educate myself more on how to deal with it, and learn how to be more tolerant of others who are experiencing it. To stop pushing these feelings away and instead let them happen, be aware of them, and work through them. To stop believing the lies depression tells me, and to realize that this does not define me. To start over in a sense, and to figure out how to move forward and live life to the fullest. So I’m going to commit from now on to be the best person that I can be, which I feel is a step in the right direction. To listen more, to be kind, to be less selfish, and to do the right thing. To apologize for hurting people, and to change my behavior if needed towards what I know to be right. To realize that some things can’t be changed, and to focus on what I can control. To spend less time on social media, and to go out and make real, genuine connections with people, which is something I had been missing. To build lasting friendships and relationships that I can rely on, and to be the kind of person that others can turn to. To go outside more, to read a book instead of being on my phone, and to learn something new every day that will help me grow. To spend more quality time with my dogs, preferably outside, although they also enjoy home cuddles. To assume the best about other people and their intentions. To look ahead and hope for the best in the future. To engage more in community, and to find hobbies and other activities that I enjoy. To forgive myself. To realize that I’m a good person and that some people out there love me. To figure out who I want to be from this point on, and to let people see the real me. To find the people who will love me just the way I am. To engage in more things that are meaningful. To be present in the moment and to listen to others, and respect their needs. To focus on, and be more grateful for, what I have in life. To pause and reflect more, and to respond rather than react. To be a positive person. To be kind and nice, and just a decent human being. I’m not saying this shift will be easy, but I’m committed to taking the first steps to turn my life around, and to hopefully also lift others in the process. Dr. Adriana Bankston is a scientist working as a Principal Legislative Analyst in the University of California Office of Federal Governmental Relations (FGR). She obtained her PhD in Biochemistry, Cell and Developmental Biology from Emory University. Adriana is a member of the PhD Balance Development Team. She is also the Vice President of the Future for Research (FoR) and a member of the Global Consortium for Academic Mental Health (GCAMH). Learn more via Adriana's website!

Maybe you’re not sure what you want to do with your career, but you have some vague ideas. Maybe you are looking at taking the next step in your process and have a few jobs or companies in mind. Or maybe you are just looking to expand your network of people with relevant expertise to open options for your future career path. In all of these situations, one great option you can take is to set up an informational interview. Unlike a “standard” interview, where you are trying to get a job or some other position, the goal is only to make a connection and gain some insight into a certain topic. This is a professional conversation between you and someone else who is involved in a field of work which interests you; both of you benefit from making the connection, wherein you gain advice and perspective and they have an opportunity to find talent for their employer or own professional network. This article will give you concrete steps to take in setting up, engaging in, and benefiting from an informational interview. These can be conducted within or across all fields of work, but this article focuses on transitioning from one field to another. Specifically, this will be based on the hypothetical situation of a graduate student looking outside of Academia. Setting up an Informational Interview First, determine why you are looking to have an interview with someone (it may be helpful to write these answers out): - Do they have the job you might want? - Are they working for a company you are interested in? - Are you hoping to build larger network connections across fields for future potential opportunities? - What *specifically* are you hoping to get out of the experience? Based on your answers, ask yourself: - Is this the right person to talk with? - How can I get this person to say yes to talking with me? - How well am I connected with this person, if at all? - Where and when should this interview take place? Let’s assume you have an idea of what job or employer you might be interested in, but you don’t know who to talk to. Browsing Indeed [www.indeed.com] can help you figure out which jobs you are specifically interested in, based on the descriptions of the positions, and whether you are qualified for them. With this information, find someone with the same or similar job currently or in the recent past; this is where you can use your network! Search for the specific job position or company using LinkedIn to find potential interviewees. Ideally, you will find someone with whom you share at least one connection (ie: you are secondary connections with the person of interest). In this case, reach out and ask your mutual connection for an introduction, making it clear that you are just looking for a conversation and insight. If you don’t have a connection: 1) consider growing your LinkedIn presence and network by connecting with the professional contacts you already have, 2) you can send a personalized message request. Clearly state who you are, why you want to talk about the topic, and why you are reaching out specifically to this person. “Hi, I’m interested in your job, can we talk?” will likely not get a response. Work with the interviewee to figure out the best mode of communication. While in-person is usually preferable under normal circumstances, a Skype or phone call is also great! If in person, choose a comfortable but professional environment, or you can offer to meet them at their place of work. If you decide to speak remotely, make sure you have a stable internet or phone connection. Regardless of how you will be speaking, dress appropriately for the job you are interested in - even when speaking on the phone, you might have to switch to Skype at the last minute. Regardless of the communication route, show up early and prepared. Prior to the interview, skim over the interviewee’s professional information. Write down specific questions for them in a notebook to keep with you and take notes - this isn’t considered weird, as gathering information is the entire goal of your conversation. Some generic but useful questions can also be found through searching the internet, but should not be solely relied upon. You may also want to bring along your resume, CV, and/or business cards, but these aren’t essential as you won’t be asking for a job. Being prepared shows that you value their time and are a good connection for them to keep as well. Conducting the Informational Interview Introduce yourself and thank them for their time. If not already clear, you can ask them if they have time restraints so you can be sure to respect their schedule. Restate what exactly you are looking for in this interview, and start asking your questions. Make eye contact throughout, write down the responses, and ask follow-up questions. This is supposed to be a comfortable, low-stakes discussion so don’t just read through your prepared questions. Keep track of the time, and when you have 5-10 minutes left, wrap it up. Here are some useful questions to end your time together: - What other questions should I be asking? - Is there anyone else you think I should get in contact with? - Is there any way I can help you in some way? DO NOT ask for a job. This will leave a very bad impression of you, as the interviewee may feel that they have been mislead in giving you their time. If you were connected through a mutual contact, this will also reflect poorly on them in the interviewees eyes. The earliest you can ask about a potential position is in your follow-up message (below), but this is still not advised. You are better off waiting a while to reconnect to make it clear that this informational interview was not actually a trap. Following Up Within the next few days, send a thank-you note. While sometimes considered old-fashioned, a physical card can be a thoughtful way to show that you appreciate the effort your interviewee put into this interaction. If not possible, whether due to their location or lack of mailing address, you can send an email. Either way, your message should be structured as such. Dear *their name*, Thank you for meeting me on *day or date* to help me learn more about *topic you originally proposed and focused on* I really enjoyed/appreciated talking about *one or two details discussed* (This is an appropriate spot to ask a short follow-up question or say that you have already followed or will follow some of their advice) This meeting was very useful to me, and I hope we can keep in contact. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to be helpful to you, as well. Sincerely, *your name, job position, contact information* Ideally, this person will continue to be a source of information or advice as you go forward. They might directly or indirectly be able to help you in your career path, so staying in touch through email or professional platforms like LinkedIn is recommended. Hopefully you will look back some day on this discussion as a pivotal moment in your own career!

*This piece was originally published on Marisol's blog, "Grad School and Grieving" My mom was my number one fan. From taking time off work to see my elementary school award programs to spending money we didn’t have for plane trips to Parent Weekends in New York when I was in college, she was front row for everything I ever did. More important than just showing up, though, was my mother’s ability to make me feel unstoppable. I think she truly believed I could do anything I put my mind to. Me & mom during a Parent Weekend This was completely at odds with what I thought about myself. For as long as I can remember I have always pushed myself really hard and held myself to impossibly high standards in everything I do. I’m a textbook tryhard, so taking pride in myself is a real challenge for me. I was an okay student, but my real redeeming academic quality was tenacity. I knew this about myself, so I worked hard to make sure my professors knew that I was doing everything I could to succeed even if it wasn’t being shown directly by my grades. Even then, being proud of whatever the grade was at the end of the semester was so hard for me. I never worried too much about being proud of myself though, since my mom had enough pride in my accomplishments for both of us. It was easy to do everything I did for her. My kindergarten awards ceremony, photo taken by mom I recently received a relatively prestigious award from the National Science Foundation (NSF) called the Graduate Research Fellowship Program (GRFP), which basically enables me to fund my own research for 3 years of my PhD. It’s a pretty big deal. It’s been long enough now since she died that when I found out about the award, the sharp pang of my mother’s absence did not immediately hit me (which I’m going to take as a blessed sign of progress). Instead, my grief manifested itself through the realization that I had no idea how to be proud of myself. I had absolutely no practice. Why would I? My mom kind of handled the pride thing. Seeing her happy was the real the prize for me. But she’s gone now. So who the fuck am I doing all this for? I had been wrestling with this question for a few weeks when I received a message from a former college acquaintance asking if I had time to talk with him about grad school applications. I was more than happy to oblige, so we set up a time to chat via Facetime. When the time came, I asked him about his goals and to talk about his experiences. I could tell immediately from how seriously he was taking the meeting that he was an extremely hard worker and was willing to do whatever it took to make a career for himself in science, so I gave him an extended account of my strategies to applying to school and how I feel that process played into my receiving the GRFP award. As I walked him through my logic, I realized two things: 1) I had done a shitton of strategizing and implementation to get into grad school, and 2) he was willing to do the work. I mixed these two realizations around in my head like aqueous solutions in a freshman chem lab, and what crashed out of solution was that this boy’s future meant everything to him, and my GRFP-verified methodologies could help him get there. I realized for the first time in that moment that I could actually meaningfully empower passionate young scientists to achieve their goals. As I was examining this precipitate of ideas, I began to feel a familiar sensation, which I eventually identified as the joy I derive from facilitating someone else’s happiness. It certainly wasn’t identical to the feeling of making my mom happy and proud of me, but it was powerful and motivating in a way I had never experienced. The interaction between myself and the hopeful pre-grad student thus led me to a surprising conclusion: a loophole. Though I have not exactly navigated how to be proud of myself yet, I discovered that my motivations to keep moving forward could still be fueled by making others happy in an extremely impactful way through mentorship and leading by example. Maybe I won’t ever figure out how to really take pride in my work, but I’ve got inspiration again and that’s worth a hell of a lot to me. My name is Marisol Dothard (@microbiomarisol on Twitter) is a grad student at BU who writes a blog to share my progress on deciphering the complexity of grief with others (in particular to sad grads) who might be feeling trapped by the nonlinear nature of how we move through our grieving. Please check out all of her amazingly honest and beautiful posts on her blog: Grad School and Grieving

This is my PhD Pet Aspen! She helps me manage my depression, anxiety, and the pressures of grad school because I know that she's relying on me to take care of her, and that makes me want to take care of myself, too. Aspen is a 3-year-old husky pitbull mix who my partner and I adopted from someone who couldn't handle her energy, and tbh they had a point. We got her at the beginning of my second year of grad school, while I was writing my qualifying exam and moving apartments (12/10 do not recommend getting a dog while doing either of those things). She would bite us on the arms CONSTANTLY and needed to run on average 8 miles a day or she would eat everything in our house (sometimes she still did anyway). She ate a couch, a pair of AirPods, 2 pairs of leather hiking boots, and our coffee table, just to name a few of the more expensive items. She's lucky she's so cute! But somehow, we survived my qual with a brand new, bitey dog, worked with her for a LONG time on training, and figured out how to beat manage her energy. Now she's the best dog! She snuggles in the bed every night, is a great off-leash hiking buddy, and never leaves my side. She knows when I'm having a rough time and literally lays on top of me like a canine weighted blanket. And she teaches me not to take myself or life too seriously by singing loudly (husky owners know) or rolling on her back in the grass. In summary, would recommend a dog as a grad school survival buddy, as long as you don't get her during your qual. Thank you to Aspen's human, Kasey Skinner, for sharing this lovely PhD Pet! Follow Kasey on Instagram and Twitter at @k_skinz

Crafting is a great way to be creative and take your mind off of world events, particularly during grad school. I especially like when my crafting can be useful in my life and the lives of others. About a year ago, I decided I wanted to be more sustainable when it came to my personal health. Disposable pads and tampons are a burden on the ecosystem and not to mention expensive! It was at that time I bought a Diva Cup, which was awkward to use and figure out at first. Not to mention the look on my boyfriend's face when he saw me boiling it the first time (sorry Matt!). After a cycle, though, I was so happy with my cup. It felt cleaner than tampons and pads, and there was so much less waste. At the same time, I saw posts on Pinterest about "unpaper towels" and shampoo bars and all sorts of other eco-friendly alternatives to disposable products we use every day. I also was hearing more about the lack of access to period products across the United States and the world. The cup was great, but sometimes you just need a panty liner. So I looked up a pattern to make my own reusable pads and liners! I found a couple of patterns online, but the gist was to trace a pad (with wings!) on soft flannel, and then the pad (without wings) on a filler fabric and a special wicking fabric used for burp cloths and reusable diapers. You quilt the pieces together and then added a snap to the wings to hook under your underwear. My first time wearing my own homemade pad felt a little silly, I mean I picked the fabric because it was a cheap remnant that had sharks on it and that made me giggle, but it was so comfy! The flannel wicks away moisture better than the plastic material of disposable pads and it felt more like just soft undies than a diaper. At the end of the day, I could just throw it into my laundry basket and it would be there for me next time. Now that I'm working from home for the foreseeable future and have no weekend plans, I've dug in deep to crafting. I'm making plenty of reusable pads for my friends and will probably find a way to donate them to women in need as well. It's a great way to do something for myself, both my mind and my body. Thank you to Liesl Krause for today's post about sustainable crafting! Follow her on Instagram & Twitter at @SourKrause94.

Hello there! I am Shadma Afzal and I am currently a second-year Ph.D. student in biotechnology at NIT Allahabad, India. My work is based on aspects of plant biotechnology and nanotech, especially the employment of nanoparticles in plants and finding out the plant-nanoparticle interactions in terms of uptake, mobilization mechanisms, and effects on plants. My research work includes synthesis of nanoparticles that are safe and don’t interfere negatively with plant growth. Since childhood I had a special love for science which was initially for animal sciences and eventually shifted to plant sciences. I feel plants offer us so much more and have the least requirements. I feel blessed to have the opportunities I had as a growing scientist. Although I have few publications and have attended conferences, sometimes I am driven by anxiety to write multiple publications, win awards, and accomplish so much more in such a short duration. I want to share that there are some days I work too much; it feels like too much because a Ph.D. is not like an 8 to 5 job. I feel I may be lagging behind, there is anxiousness from failed experiments or rejected papers. Sometimes I find myself working all the time and at all hours of the day. It was then I started realizing that things weren’t quite right. I have seen around me that a PhD can lead to so much pressure, anxiety, depression, self-destructive thoughts and sometimes medication. An emotional (and sometimes financial) support system is essential. I am blessed with an amazing family and a few friends who have always been a support. They keep telling me that I am doing great and should relax sometimes. So, I always try to keep a balance between my research work and personal life, sometimes when I feel too much, I take evenings out with my friends, eat and dance a little, share my feelings and always try to keep the mood light around peers. I also try to support others going through the same things as me. Follow Shadma on Instagram id (@shadmaaniazi & @sciencefluencer) or check out her YouTube channel!