I wish I had more time to help you

Content warning: mention of suicide


You should have been in this photo too…


It has been a year since you left us, but the wound is still fresh and aching.

You always cared about me, even in my lowest points,

And I still blame myself for not being there for you,

for not doing more, for not doing things differently.

I wish I had more time to help you, but I don’t.

I wanted to make a change for you, but why was it so difficult?

There were always excuses, but I was mostly afraid to open myself, to be vulnerable.

You tried to help me, and you were broken too, so why was it so difficult?

I am trying, but sometimes trying is not enough.

I want to change, be part of the help you needed and wasn’t there.

This is my first step; I’m doing it for you.

In loving memory of Greg.

Hannah, Greg, and I started grad school in the same year, joined the same research lab, and were really close. We were the first graduate students in this assistant professor’s lab. On December 2018, Greg told us he was going to leave the Ph.D. program with a Masters. On MLK day of 2019, we learnt Greg committed suicide.


💗If you or someone you know is dealing with thoughts of suicide, PLEASE reach out for professional support. Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis counseling.


Jose Veleta is a Ph.D. student in chemistry and has been dealing with depression and social anxiety for over 7 years. Follow along on Instagram and Twitter at @jmveleta

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